I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
