trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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