cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He passed out mid-signature
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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