and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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