just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
