If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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