you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
