i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I think your dad took our porno
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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