Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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