so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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