If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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