You're earring is so big in my mouth
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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