Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
