not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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