Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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