we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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