how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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