good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
