don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
