I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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