this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize