if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
