Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
