Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
