his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Randomize
