4 words: hood of his car
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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