There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Randomize
