Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
