I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
