I have demons in me.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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