My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
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