Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
