Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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