she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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