I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
