I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
