Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
you mean i was at the winter classic?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
