i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
