Only a mothe r could love this liver
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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