I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
