Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
