If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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