oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
