She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
