He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize
