I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
