Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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