So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
