Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
