It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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