??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
