If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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