Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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