she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I had to cum in my sink.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
