You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
