we have officially mastered the walk of shame
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
