on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
