I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
