Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
