he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
