I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
