so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
