It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
