It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
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