Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
